What you won’t find on this blog: Posts on how to replicate celebs’ looks. Because guess what? They have teams of people making them look that way and you probably don’t (no offense).

What you WILL find on this blog (starting now): A recap of the good, the bad, and the ugly (literally) in the celeb beauty world when I feel it’s necessary (ie. when there’s just too much not to address). I’ll stay up ’til 4 a.m. reading Racked, Gawker, Glamour.com, Grazia, and Twitter so you can get your beauty sleep. Thank me later. And now presenting…

This week’s HIGHLIGHTS:

1. Lady Gaga cites six reasons why you need a manicure on VMagazine.com and they are as follows:

1) Having a perfect manicure instantly makes you feel beautiful and clean.
2) You’ll be ready for sex or to put a penis in your hand.
3) It’s a way for you to express yourself (careful how you do that).
4) It forces you to see the importance of making time for yourself.
5) It boosts your self-esteem everyday.
6) It projects an image of success, which is good for biz.

I mean, I love how she preaches about self-esteem, business, and feeling clean, then BOOM, hits us with a HAND JOB. Well played, Gaga. And also…well said.


2.
Badass Janelle Monae is named the latest Cover Girl right after badass Pink is named a Cover Girl. Out with Tyra and Taylor, in with the new.


This week’s LOWLIGHTS:

1. Miley Cyrus gets high, then gets her hair cut.


I’m kidding, you guys. I have no proof that Miley was hitting the bong again, but this ‘do is a tad extreme. Can you say teenage angst? Or rather, newly engaged angst? Honestly though, more power to her–it definitely makes a statement that says “Hannah Montana: go F yourself.” I just think she could have posted like, 2 pics on Twitter rather than 647 and also refrained from a few of her self-obsessed tweets:


I also think if she really wanted to shock people, she could have gone with another hairstyle that she’s familiar with…


2.
Christina Aguilera learns about ombre hair/colorful highlights two to three years after everyone else.

Why so late to the hair game, Xtina? Been too busy being a man-hater, trying to upstage your own team on The Voice, searching for the worst stylists on the planet to dress you, and still blaming the “baby weight”? Okay, maybe that last one was a little harsh, but I’m not a fan of her and her self-obsession. But I will get her hooked up with a free pass to Flywheel if she wants it.


3.
Nivea fires Rihanna for being a slut.


Now, I love Rihanna’s music and “I don’t give a f*ck attitude,” but it turns out you can’t post trampy thug, wasted-face pics on Twitter (like the above) and show up on red carpets looking like a dominatrix and/or barely wearing clothes when you’re trying to be the face of a 100-year-old company with wholesome values. Whoopsie, Ri-Ri! Guess she’ll have to find a new gig in a hopeless place.

Whew. Thanks to all these celebs for the entertainment. Oh right. That’s their job.

‘Til next time!

LYLAS,
Ashley

Comments

  1. Melissa says:

    That.
    Was.
    HYSTERICAL!

    Thanks for the bright and shiney celeb beauty gossip on an otherwise crap-tastic morning 🙂 Love the new segment!

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