What a week! Justin Timberlake put out a new song, Lance Armstrong is the worst person ever, and Selena Gomez got drunk (you go, gurl). There were some real gems in the news and on the ol’ web this week, so I picked a handful of the best to offer my
pointless expert commentary on. TGIF, b*tches.
1. Notre Dame footballer Manti Te’o made up a fake girlfriend and she died…I think. I’m sorry, you guys, I keep trying to read this story in its entirety, but I get lost and my eyes glaze over (even on Gawker), and then I just click over to Facebook instead. But WHATEVER, the important thing here is that I have a new boyfriend and I want you all to be supportive.
2. An article about Megan Fox is actually the worst thing ever written. Esquire’s new interview with David from 90210’s wife has quotes like this: “The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It’s not really even that beautiful. It’s closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her.”
BARF. And it gets better. Check out Vice.com’s amazing recap for the laughs.
3. Justin Timberlake’s new song is….ok. It’s no FutureSexLoveSounds, but I’d make out to it.
4. American Idol effing sucks. Ok, so is this still the most popular show on TV? And how is it possible that ANYONE who watches The Voice in all its magical glory could even consider tuning into American Idol? I checked it out to see how ridiculous Nicki looked and if Mariah was still doing Jenny Craig, but Nicki was so obnoxious, she actually made me miss and appreciate Xtina on The Voice (I can’t even believe I just said that). Meanwhile, Mariah is actually likable, Keith Urban is Australian (I missed that memo), and Randy is, well, still there.
And where was the photoshop department on Miss Minaj’s camel toe situation?
5. I discovered Boo. Obvi, I’m late to the game because this dog has 6.4 MILLION FANS ON FACEBOOK, but better late than never. He has a Gund stuffed animal modeled after him (which makes sense, since he looks like a stuffed animal), a book (come to think of it, I have seen that at Urban Outfitters), a TV commercial, and Khloe Kardashian dubbed him “the cutest dog on the planet” (which is interesting because he almost has more FB fans than her).
Kate: that f*cking dog is so cute
me: i die.
Kate: wait. is it a stuffed?
me: no, but it is has a stuffed animal made after it
Kate: is the one you posted on my page stuffed or real?
me: REAL. it looks like that
Kate: i dont know ash
me: thats why he is famous! because he looks stuffed
Kate: i mean THAT IS NOT EVEN FAIR.
i hate my dogs now
i don’t even want to look at them
me: i know. i guess he’s on a commercial, too. if i see it, i will probably get pissed at dewey and put him in timeout.
Kate: yep definitely
Don’t judge us. You know you were thinking it, too. Now get out there and make this weekend as fun as Boo is cute!
(Ha, like that’s possible.)