People ask me for dating advice a lot, and while I know that may come as a shock to some of you, I can actually dish out wisdom very well (I was recently interviewed by a major mag about relationships and I can’t wait to share in a couple months…!). But anyway, girls are always concerned about how to act when they meet a dude, what to do before/during/after the first date, etc. So I wanted to lay it out, step-by-step, all the way down to the first date outfit. Ladies (and gents), you’re welcome.
1. If you meet a guy and he asks for your phone number, give it to him but tell him he doesn’t have to call to ask you out. You prefer texts and he can even hit you up on Facebook or Twitter messaging to make a date. The less work a guy has to put in, the more he will like you.
2. Go out with him as soon as possible. If he messages you at 6 p.m. asking what you’re doing that night, say “Going out with you, I hope.” If he asks when you’re free that week, say “Tonight. And tomorrow. And the day after that.” Men don’t want a woman who has too much going on or they think they’ll never be able to pin her down for a date.
3. NEVER offer suggestions on what to do. Guys like to know that you don’t really have any opinions and that you’re happy doing whatever they choose. “Whatever you want” is always the right answer.
4. Go ALL out on your beauty regime when you get ready for your big date (big, blown-out hair, fake eyelashes, lots of makeup, etc.) and wear the skimpiest outfit you own with the highest heels and an expensive, flashy bag. The more cleavage and/or side boob you show, the better. Guys like a girl that spends a lot of time on her appearance and one who will turn heads when they are out together.
5. On your date, ask him lots of questions about himself, then praise him after everything he says. Men need reassurance or they’ll get insecure and think they won’t be able to make you happy. Also, make sure to ask him where he sees himself in five years. Actually, make that three years. When he asks you the same, be very clear that you want to be married with kids. Every guy wants a girl who has family at the top of her priority list. Feel free to throw in where you want to get married and your favorite baby names.
6. Sleep with him on the first date. This is VERY important. If you don’t sleep with a guy on the first date, then he’s going to assume you’re bad in bed and he won’t want to date you. If you can stay over at his place, do that. If he’s at your place, tempt him to spend the night with promises of a big, elaborate breakfast in bed the next morning. And a blow job.
7. After you’ve parted ways, wait 20 minutes or so, then text him and tell him what an AMAZING time you had and you can’t wait to see him again. Then promptly friend him on Facebook, request him on LinkedIn, and follow him on Twitter and Instagram. If you don’t have his email address, get it, and if he has Gmail, request to chat.
8. The second he accepts your friend request, write on his Facebook wall with an inside joke from your date. If you don’t have an adequate inside joke, a simple “You’re cute” with a heart should do the trick.
9. After this, he should definitely ask you on a second date, but if he doesn’t, it’s just because he’s busy with work and you really need to stay on him so he knows you’re interested. Hit him with a “Good morning, sunshine!” text in the morning, keep the flirty messaging going throughout the day, and ALWAYS end your communication with a “Sweet dreams” text at night so he knows he’s supposed to dream about you. You can also call him, and if he doesn’t answer, leave him a voicemail and be sure to say “Hey babe, it’s me” to show that you are at that level of comfortability with him.
10. As a rule, guys with iPhones LOVE Emoji and think they are extra cute when they don’t really make sense, so make sure to incorporate those into your textchanges.
If he’s not begging you to be his girlfriend after you’ve completed these ten steps, you have done something wrong, and I don’t know what to tell you.