Sending racy pics is risky business. And I don’t just mean because they can make their way around the Internet and end up on your parents’ iPad while they surf “pop culture news” over their morning coffee. There’s the more serious risk of the photos not looking good. Here are a few things to consider to ensure you get the sexiest selfies possible and protect your privacy.
1. Clean up your effing room. Oh, you think your open drawers with clothes hanging out and overflowing trashcan is arousing? THINK AGAIN. Your room doesn’t have to be impeccable, but serious clutter and trash is a distraction from your hot self. Also, check your surroundings for other things you don’t want in the photos: Children, dog licking his crotch, your sleeping boyfriend (you’d be surprised)….
2. Set the mood. Hearing E! News blaring from the living room or sirens and street noise doesn’t exactly set the tone for an erotic photo shoot. Put on some sensual tunes (you can check out my “The Mood” playlist here) and if you have a roommate, it’s probably smart to lock the door.
3. Consider your case. If you have an embarrassing mobile covering (or one with your name on it) and it will be in the pic, take that thing off and try not to drop your phone, butterfingers. Nothing kills a libido like…
3. Start out slow. Don’t give away the whole farm when a few crops will do the trick (see what I did there?). You can even start by sending a pic of your nightie/bra and panty set/dominatrix outfit/whatever WITHOUT you in it to get his imagination going. Example:
See? Sexy AND classy. Then you can move into more racy territory (a cleavage shot, your lovely lady area in a pair of lacy panties, etc.), but really embrace the art of the tease here, gals. If you’re just starting to sext with a dude, for the love of God, don’t send him a full frontal shot. This is not the Playboy mansion and you are not the May centerfold (no offense).
And I always like to mix in some some good, old-fashioned punny business.
If you have a cat, it’s easy. Text: “Want to see a picture of my pus*y?” (SPOILER ALERT: He’s probably going to say yes.)
Wait, what’s that? Guys don’t find this amusing? Oh.
4. Don’t underestimate the power of a tan line. Now that sunning season is (almost) here, you’re bound to have them sooner than later, and every guy loves a glimpse of your “white bikini.” The hip/ butt area usually works best (like this, but um, sexier). These are especially effective if you’re on vacation without your dude; he won’t be able to wait for you to return and view the full suit.
5. Unless you’re really trusting of the guy, don’t show your face. He can get a good look at that when you hook up IRL. However, if you’re okay with your identity and bare bod ending up in other people’s hands (or on their computer screens), by all means, mug it up. Just don’t do duck face. I mean, have some self-respect.
6. Use a filter, for Christ’s sake. Seriously, what did girls do before photo editing apps? I can’t even think about it. You can use something like Camera+ or Photoshop Express OR you can put it through Instagram and once you get the image to your liking, screen shot, then crop it. Just be very careful to not accidentally hit “Share.” You won’t be able to delete fast enough. If you’re especially partial to Facebook’s new filters (I kinda’ am), you can post a photo and make it visible only to you. On iPhone, when you’re about to post, go to the lock icon and click “Only me.”
7. Protect yourself. Get an app like Photo Vault or Photo Locker so you can save your steamy pics in a password protected folder. God forbid a friend (or family member!) scrolls through your camera roll and gets a glimpse of your lace-pantied lady bits. But you don’t want to delete the good ones; you put a lot of work into the posing/cropping/filtering process! And you never know, you may need to use them again.
Just in case Hugh Heff does come a’callin.