Let it be known that I was singing “Wrecking Ball” at the VERY TOP of my lungs in the car this morning on the way to Flywheel. Like, my throat is a little sore. You guys, I love it. I’m sorry, but I can’t deny it. Songs that start out slow, then get all crazy/loud/emotional in the chorus get me. every. time.

And that is why I can never watch the video again because visions of Miley making out with a sledgehammer will dance in my head while I’m belting it out.

Now I’m ALL about some edgy music videos, but I actually had my hands to my face in confused horror when my BFF Cory sent me this video with this note: “The foam finger at the VMAs, now this sledgehammer…I can’t even.” (PS, at that point yesterday, it had 2 million view; now it has 18+).

I wasn’t even phased by Miley’s nudity (didn’t she get naked for Vanity Fair when she was like, 12?). I even kinda’ love her swinging on that wrecking ball. I dig her nails. I don’t love her writhing around erotically and touching herself on the broken concrete, but I can deal. Her long, vampire teeth still freak me out, but I’m not one to make fun of someone’s looks.

But getting freaky with an inanimate object…AGAIN!? Making out with a sledgehammer?! What the f*ck is that? That’s not sexy; it’s disturbing. It’s a fetish/disorder, like necrophilia or bestiality. The name of the director, Terry Richardson, splashed across the screen at the end, and all I could think was, That weirdo perv. Also, I think we can safely assume Miley was on Molly when she thought it would be a good idea to tongue-kiss a construction tool. And not to get too analytical…but the song’s lyrics aren’t even sexual in nature! I mean, take a hint from Rihanna and get naked and emotional in the bathtub for Christ’s sake.

But whatever, it got 20384029834723508234020 hits in 48 hours, so I guess they’re doing something right (although I use the word “right” lightly).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to playing “Wrecking Ball” while I eat my lunch…and trying to refrain from making out with my fork.

LYLAS,
Ashley

Comments

  1. It’s a good song, well written… And compared to most of the crap that is out there on the radio, it is a full meal vs a Rice cake.

    PS – I think you’ll dig the artist Lorde.

  2. Peach says:

    No shame. I like the song, too. And mmm, my power drill suddenly looks quite appealing. #notreally 😉

  3. […] a week, friends! Miley Cyrus got impregnated by a sledgehammer, we all found out that “epic” twerking video was fake (DUH), and I spent four hours in […]

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