While I was
drinking Europe dry traveling last week, I re-posted an article I wrote a year prior about my mortifying vibrator incident in London’s Heathrow airport.
Well the Internet (and self-pleasure) Gods were smiling on me because a few days later, I received this email:
I mean…if you ever get an email that says “with all the abundance of vibrators I travel with”, you know it’s going to be good. It was also nice to know I am not alone.
And then “We’d love to send you our new vibrator.” I HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE IT, you guys. And the one they’re sending me goes on my fingertips (!?) and can pass as headphones. Whaaaa?? I haven’t been this intrigued since the McRib.
Obviously, I had to peruse JimmyJane’s travel tips, and I pulled out (no pun intended) a few highlights for you curious readers:
1. “When you pack your bag, don’t forget the essentials – passport, sunscreen, and your favorite vibrator.”
Got it. Passport to get you on (the plane), vibrator to get you off.
2. “Bringing a vibrator on your carry-on luggage is the only way to guarantee that your beloved companion won’t disappear. Baggage screeners may not know what it is and remove it just to be safe.”
I would pay to see TSA agents gathered around a hot pink vibrator trying to determine if it’s a bomb or not.
3. “Though TSA squashed reports of a 7” limit, they have recommended people stay clear of packing larger “club-like” pleasure products in their carry on.”
I think we all know what’s going on here. TSA has penis envy.
4. “While it may be tempting to insist your vibrator is really a pencil, chew toy, or marching band baton, lying could land you in hot water. Keep it brief and straightforward.”
If you have a vibrator that resembles a marching band baton, you may have issues.
Those are certainly some solid tips (heh), but then again, you could always forego even bringing a sex toy on vacay and try to find a real man to sleep with. You won’t have any size limitations and you’ll even welcome the strip search.
Top two images from JimmyJane, baton image from auburntron.com.