Oh, the Grammys. A night of surprises, weird interesting collaborations, live tweet-fests, LGBT weddings, Taylor Swift awkwardly dancing in the front row (ALWAYS), and musical icons putting on boring performances but we all have to pretend we like them because they’re legends. What?
But even though the show was 98794837598745 hours long, it wasn’t a total snoozefest. Here’s a recap in gifs, pics, and tweets.
Beyonce kicked off the show with a ridiculously sexy performance and I wondered if I was a lesbian.
And then Jay Z and she got #DrunkInLove (or something?) and grinded on each other, and Bey won the Grammy for Best Ass in the World Ever (implied).
…Arby’s won Twitter.
Lorde performed “Royals” (which is ironic, because now she’s super rich and famous and has definitely seen a diamond in the flesh).
And DailyCandy nailed it.
Then the Shakira Target commercial came on and I immediately got on the floor and started doing crunches.
And by that, I mean stayed on the couch and ate more cheese.
Then robots pushed buttons.
Backstage, apparently the real “social media reporter” got sick and they had an intern fill in because this chick was worse than Christina Milian on The Voice (which I didn’t think was possible).
Taylor Swift performed and I got excited she would be seated with her hands occupied so we wouldn’t have to witness her dramatic, trying-too-hard choreography.
I was so dead wrong.
And then she tried to do this coy/bitchy thing, because she is ALWAYS TRYING TOO HARD ALWAYS. Please stop.
Justin Timberlake wasn’t there because he was too busy surprising people with Mastercards (huh?).
Pink auditioned for Cirque du Soleil.
Then Jay Z aka H.O.V.A. aka Mr. FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt aka Rap God of the Universe uttered the words “sippy cup.” He got 99 problems, but a bottle ain’t one.
Half of The Beatles performed, and Bruce Jenner Paul McCartney made mullets cool (ish). Or at least Yoko thought they were cool.
Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar CRUSHED IT SO HARD (seriously, how can I get that collab on my workout playlist?).
And Taylor Swift took her awkward white girl dancing to an entirely new level.
Let’s get a close-up… I can’t.
Meanwhile, Katy Perry forgot she wasn’t performing “Roar.” Please note Steven Tyler in the white Dumb and Dumber tux.
Mackelmore had a killer performance where Queen Latifah (and/or Madonna in a pimp suit?) married a bunch of couples and we were all like, “Well this is awesome,” but also kinda’ like, “Huh?”
And then more robots.
Then the robots won and Taylor thought it was her album for a second. That sucks.
And then more Shakira’s abs.
Then everyone realized they’d been watching The Grammys for the past 17 hours and people with real jobs went to bed while I stayed up all night to get lucky writing this post.