Oh, April Fool’s. We have a love-hate relationship because my mom used to get me EVERY YEAR when I was a kid. I remember her waking me up at the tender age of oh, 7, and convincing me my hair had turned green overnight. Full blown tears before I could get to a mirror.
But I got her back sophomore year in college, and she’s left me alone every since (she won’t even answer my calls today).
I figured if I posted a fake story on this blog, you guys would see right through it, so instead, I wanted to share some of the best pranks I found by scouring the World Wide Web for 27934984 hours yesterday.
Here are the top 5 best/worst April Fool’s Day pranks:
5. Holy Cow
In August 2012 (shortly after Chick-fil-a CEO Dan Cathy’s controversial remarks about gay marriage), a group of gay rights activists in High Point, NC gathered outside of a Chick-fil-a in a rather remote area of town on a Sunday, dressed in full cow costumes and holding signs that said, “DRIVE-THRU IS OPEN!” A costumed pranker directed people to the second window in the back of the restaurant, and when cars drove back, they were met with a full-on LGBT dance party of more than 40 people with awesomely riske outfits on, lots of dirty dancing, making out, and a blow-up movie screen showing guy-on-guy and gal-on-gal porn. They pranked about 20 cars (some hardcore people even stuck rainbow flag bumper stickers on the vehicles) before the police showed up and a handful of them were arrested for disturbing the peace (thankfully, no one did any real jail time).
I love this, but I would have been PISSED I didn’t get my #1.
4. 1099 Problems
In 2008, an accounting company with a sense of humor in Akron, Ohio sent an email to its client list with an “official letter” from the IRS stating that “due to internal and national governmental issues” the date for filing taxes had been pushed back to May 15. Although most clients weren’t amused, they had the common sense to realize it was a joke (they also may have used this thing called Google), and the company sent out a “Haha, we’re just kidding!” email the following day. However, one client did not have common sense and/or receive the follow-up email and did not reach out to file his taxes until May 4. When he realized what happened, he sued the company for $600K and put its 28 employees out of business.
Taxes are no joke.
3. Knocked Up (and Out)
In 2009, a Tampa woman pulled the age-old trick of telling her boyfriend she was pregnant. This gal was a serious (read: crazy) April Foolser and stated later she “Wanted to keep him going until the 2nd ”, even getting her family involved). However, the poor fella knew he was shooting blanks from his previous marriage (and had not told his girlfriend yet), so he automatically assumed she had cheated on him. He made the rash assumption that her ex was to blame, so he decided to confront him at his place of employment….but not before getting totally shit-faced. Ol’ boy got hammered a nearby bar, drove to the ex’s auto body shop, pulled in like a bat out of
hell Daytona, hit two cars in the parking lot, and got out cursing up a storm, ready to rough someone up. The cops were called immediately, he was arrested for DUI and damaging private property, AND had to tell his girlfriend he was shooting blanks when she came and bailed him out.
God bless Florida.
In 2012, an Indianapolis promoter sent out several social media posts that a FREE Nickelback concert was happening in a city park on the afternoon of April 1. When upwards of 400 people showed up the park (some later reported they had driven up to three hours for the show), there was an 18-year-old Asian violinist on a small stage wearing a T-shirt with nickels printed on the back. Folks were outraged (one scuffle broke out), but the promoter was not charged (one saving grace–he spelled it “Nickleback” in his tweets).
That promoter is my hero (and the violinist, too).
1. Tinder Trouble
Some asshole frat bro at USC (California) thought it would be funny to take his April Fool’s to Tinder last year (when the beloved app was just a baby). He swiped right to a bunch of unattractive (in his opinion) females and when they matched, he messaged them brutal one-liners like “April Fool’s, you’re ugly,” and “April Fool’s, you’re fat.” (Whew, that’s hard to even type.) But one of the girls noticed she had a mutual female friend who was super hot, so she explained the situation and the hot friend was more than happy to mess with the guy as revenge. Within 48 hours, hot chick had matched with the dude on Tinder, got him to send her MULTIPLE dick pics and horrid, douchebag selfies, which she compiled in an email, sent around to her entire sorority and every female she knew, and within hours, he was officially unfuckable on the campus.
(Does Anthony Weiner have a son?)
There you have it, friends—some of the best of the worst or worst of the best. What? If you hear of any others, send my way, and here’s hoping you don’t get pranked like I did as a child. Mom, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
Oh, and by the way, none of these were real.