How the FACK is it mid-summer? I feel like Snowpocalypse was just like, last week. This has potential to be the best summer ever because:
1) It’s cooler than hot-as-balls years past, but hasn’t rained every day like last year (the WORST).
2) Killer restaurants (and more importantly, patios) continue to open and lure us in.
3) My tanning bed place just lowered its prices to $29 for monthly unlimited.

One of those is a lie. Check out the scoop on two new(ish) restaurants and what makes them so special + upcoming events (and discounted tix, duh).

Varuni Napoli
This authentic Neopolitan pizzeria has been open for a minute now, but I’m just recovering from the limoncello I drank there three weeks ago to write about it. Just kidding (kinda’). The owner Luca Varuni comes from Antico (street cred) and is a certified pizza genius. And SOME people (maybe myself included) are saying these pies are better than Antico (hey, I’m just the messenger…).

Here are Luca and me with his monster ovens:
varuni napoli 2He’s married; sorry ladies.

So you walk in, order your pie(s) and booze at the counter, then find a place to sit in the sleek spot (I like the big table in the back room). We had the Spacca Napoli and Porreca Piccante and they were both to-die-for.

varuni napoli 1
varuni napoli 4 I will be going back ASAP, because I didn’t get the arancini or cannoli, which I’m embarrassed to admit because it’s so unlike me. As for the limoncello, they make it in house and it is a DOOZY. Luca literally brought out another whole pizza with our shots because “we were going to need it.” He was right—they’re a citrusy kick to the face (in a good way), and the lime version is “twice as strong.” Great. These are $6 a shot and clearly a must-have after your pizza feast, but be careful…
varuni napoli 3Just trust me.

All hail the beachiest restaurant/bar in town! This Westside joint comes from the folks behind Barcelona (my second home) and they sure do know how to execute an atmosphere. Bartaco feels so coastal, you’ll walk out and expect to see the ocean (but you won’t because Atlanta is a jail landlocked city).
bartaco 2
bartaco 3

The margaritas are stiff and tasty, as is the glorious Port Chester Reviver (below, front), so order a few dranks…
bartaco 1
…and small plates (dip the cheesy gordita balls in guac if you know what’s good for you)…
bartaco 5
…and every taco on the menu…
bartaco 4…then sit back and soak up that #SaltLife (ish).

Yacht Rock Revival
Who’s ready to get their face soft-rocked off? What? Our beloved smooth crooners Yacht Rock are once again sharing the stage with some of the originators of their most-played songs at the annual Yacht Rock Revival this Saturday.
yacht rockThis year is extra special because it’s taking place in Piedmont Park (not Park Tavern, the actual park), so you can sway gently close to the stage or park your arse on a grassy hill and take in the tunes. Get your tickets here and use promo code ‘hess’ to save $5 if you’re not a Rich Girl (or Boy).

Carly Aquilino
It’s a girl-meets-boy chuckle fest this weekend at the Atlanta Improv (remember where I “opened” for Ron White?).
carlyCarly Aquilino (the ballsy neon-redhead from MTV’s Girl Code) will be joined by Pete Davidson from MTV’s Guy Code to talk about dating, sex, Plan B, gluten, camel toes, manscaping, world peace, periods, blue balls, and more. But don’t quote me on that. Bring your boyfriend, girlfriend, secretary, second cousin, Tinder date, personal trainer, or whoever, and yuk it up, fools.

Mad Decent Block Party (save-the-date)
Call your friend Molly, buy new booty shorts, and put some LED lights on your hula hoop because the Mad Decent Block Party is coming to town next Sunday. This music fest is one serious rager, and Atlanta’s lineup include Zeds Dead, Dillon Francis, Flosstradamus, DJ Snake (hello, #TURNDOWNFORWHAT?!), and more. Get your tickets here, and try not to get hospitalized.

Also, this:

Get turnt up, y’all.


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