Every summer, I go to Dewey Beach (the happiest place on Earth) for a week, and by Day 5, I am a zombie version of myself from all the partying. I somehow make it through the week, but then I need another full week to recover and a full month to get my body back to where it was pre-vacay (#ThisIs31).
WELL NOT THIS TIME. This year was different (I was still perky on Day 7!), AND I was there for two days longer than usual, AND I’m also older than I was in past years (THANKS OBAMA).
I think it was the perfect storm of all my hangover helpers in one, so I wanted to share the routine. Here’s the thing: If I’m only going somewhere for a long weekend, I don’t put ALL these into full effect. But when you’re trying to hang for a week, you need a strategy in place.
Pre-routine: Wake up, feel like death, have hangover anxiety, tell yourself you’re never drinking again, know you’re lying, then attempt to move to an upright position (the struggle is real).
Step 1. Try to have a laugh, most likely about something that happened the night before. If you wake up with someone (whom you know), this is easy because one of you probably remembers something the other person did better than that person, which is always good for a giggle. If you don’t have anyone around, text something really dumb to a friend (“Can you bring me a Plan B?” with a few random Emojis usually does the trick) and let the chuckles roll in. If THAT doesn’t work, watch this. Starting a hungover day with a laugh will shift your miserable mood and get you ready for the next steps.
*If you have someone to have sex with, you can slip that in (literally) here. Brush your teeth first.
Step 2. Drink AT LEAST 16 ounces of water with lemon. Don’t even attempt anything else before you get some H2O in your system. And lemon is magic (see why).
Step 3. Drink a cup of coffee with a spoonful of coconut oil in it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It will (most likely) make you go to the bathroom or at least get your system in motion (gross). When you’ve been drinking for two days or more, your insides get backed up because you’re dehydrated and probably not eating enough fibrous foods, so you gotta’ clear that shit out. Literally. Nothing worse than being bloated on vacay. EW!
Step 5. Sweat it out. I know, the thought of exercising after crushing 67 Fireball shots a mere 12 hours before is nauseating, but this is the most important step. You’ll sweat out some of the booze, clear your head, and overall reset your body to have a (semi) normal day ahead of you. When I was in Dewey, I did a couple 3.5 miles runs during the week, paddle-boarded on a windy day until my arms almost fell off, and did one ab set on the beach because I was bored. But even if you can only manage a mile jog, power walk, or barely pedaling on a spin bike, it’s beneficial. And you’ll work off that pizza/pound of hummus you ate at 3 a.m., thus fitting better into your perfectly planned vacay outfits.
*If you have access to a sauna, here is where you do that.
Step 6. Chill. In more ways than one. Heating your body then cooling it really gets your circulation going and wakes you up. This can be a cold shower (which you need anyway), dip in the ocean or cold pool, or cryotherapy session if you’re lucky enough to live near one. Then you can chill (in the relaxing sense of the word).
Remember to stay hydrated, and if you plan on day drinking, make sure you guzzle another 32-64 ounces of water before you start.
*Disclaimer: If you’re on your deathbed with a hangover so bad it hurts to speak…that sucks. These tips may not work for you and you should try to get someone to drive you to an IV station and consider consuming a few less Long Islands next time.
*And PS, I may or may not be going to Dewey again next weekend. Stay tuned for the scoop on that (and follow on Instagram @AshHess if you like).