basic cake

There’s been a lot of talk about being “basic” lately, specifically being a “basic bitch.” I read the Buzzfeed article “25 Things All Basic White Girls Do in the Fall” and well, I thought it was dumb as f*ck. I mean, did you just copy this from some “shit girls like” list and put “basic and white” in front of it? Some of the items were just THINGS FEMALES DO. There is nothing wrong with liking/doing girly things because guess what? WE HAVE VAGINAS. We like Pumpkin Spice Lattes because they’re delicious (now, healthy is another story). We buy candles because we want our homes to smell nice (I know, it’s a CRAZY concept). As for bonfires and wearing flannels? Huh? Since when is that not awesome? And making cookies? What, why can’t you bake without being basic? And don’t black girls make cookies, too?

Here’s how Merriam-Webster defines basic:
basic definition
Here’s how Urban Dictionary defines it (which comes up BEFORE Merriam-Webster on Google btw):
urban dictionary  basic
Also feel free to look up “basic bitch” on Urban Dictionary, but it was a little aggressive for my taste.

So yeah. In our current pop culture world, basic is not a compliment. It means you’re regular, mediocre, nothing special. Calling a female a basic bitch is one of the lowest blows you can dish out these days. I mean, I’d rather you call me a cunt, because what does that really mean anyway? A super bitch? I’ll take it.

If you’re not a basic bitch, then you’re probably a bad bitch (see also: boss bitch). Maybe you’re not the ultimate bad bitch (ie. Rihanna), but you’re closer to Ri-Ri than you are to your co-worker Tiffany with the knockoff Gucci bag who plays “Fancy” on repeat and won’t shut up about her Pinterest wedding boards.

If I had to define it, I think being a basic bitch or a bad bitch is a lifestyle, a state of mind. A bad bitch is confident, driven, interesting, and adventurous. A basic bitch is insecure, one-dimensional, and operates based on what other people think of her.

It’s not about what you wear or what you buy – every girl has her own tastes, and yes I’ll knock a belly ring and Juicy jumpsuit because it’s not 2004, but if you want to buy a damn denim skirt from American Eagle, then buy a damn denim skirt from American Eagle.

That being said, I know Internet folks love lists, so I did compile some basic vs. bad bitch items. Go ahead and get your read on, girl. What? Sorry, that was basic.

1. Friendship
Basic bitches talk about their friends behind their backs, but put inspirational quotes and “LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH GIRL!” bullshit on their friend’s FB timelines so everyone will think they’re loyal and genuine.
friendship-quotes-sayings-true-friend-cute

Bad bitches build each other up in person and don’t waste time gossiping about people they care about. Because it’s not middle school.


2. Saturdays

If you call a bad bitch on a Saturday and say let’s do something awesome (bike, skydive, music festival, bar crawl, Korean bath house) she’ll be like, “Aight, pick me up a coffee.”

If you call a basic bitch and say let’s do something awesome, she’ll be like, “OMG I totally WOULD, but I have to get my nails done/go to the mall/watch a Real Housewives marathon.”


3. Sundays
If a basic bitch’s dude calls her on a Sunday and says, “I’m starving, let’s eat, picking you up in 10,” she will literally PANIC because it will take at least 75 minutes to shower, put her makeup on, curl (or clip in) her hair, pick out a stupid outfit, etc.

If a bad bitch’s dude calls her and says “Be ready in 10,” she’ll brush her teeth.


4. Costuming

When Halloween rolls around, basic bitches either A) Get together with their girlfriends over Riesling to plan the sluttiest group costume they can think of (Dress up as an individual!? Never!) or B) Think of the sluttiest costumes that will out-slut all their other basic friends.
slutty_halloween_costumes
A bad bitch would rather dress up as a giant penis than wear a costume out of a bag labeled “Sexy (Insert Occupation/Animal Here).”


5. Life goals

A bad bitch aspires to have a successful career.

A basic bitch aspires to have a fairytale wedding.


6. Reading material

Bad bitches read books regularly.

Basic bitches read US Weekly religiously.


7. Workouts

Bad bitches lift weights.

Basic bitches are skinny fat.


8. Engagements

Basic bitches post stuff like this:

single lady engagement
Bad bitches post stuff like this:
bad bitches

9. Sex

Bad bitches are good in bed because they’re confident and adventurous.

Basic bitches are basic in bed because they’re worried their stomachs might have an extra millimeter of fat because they skipped Pure Barre this week or that their asses are jiggling too much during doggystyle. But sometimes they’re good at blowjobbing.


10. Travel

Bad bitches know the importance of travel and figure out how to make it happen, even if they’re low on dough.

Basic bitches can’t figure out how to travel without checking bags.


11. Instagram

Basic bitches take selfies with the sole purpose of showing off how pretty they think they are. Often in their cars or in bathrooms.
basic bitch selfie(Basic bitches also love “Keep Calm” everything.)

On the rare occasion a bad bitch takes a selfie, it has a clear purpose (which may or may not be making fun of basic bitches).
basic selfie(However, bad bitches would never waste money on a shirt like that from Target. Oops.)


12. Insults

If you tell a bad bitch someone called her a bitch, she’ll be like, “So?”

If you tell a basic bitch someone called her a bitch, she’ll post something like this on Facebook:
Screen Shot 2014-09-07 at 11.58.24 PM


13. Role models
Bad bitch role models: Sandberg, Fey, Wintour, ‘yonce.

Basic bitch role models: Kim, Khloe, Kendall.


14. Marilyn Monroe

Basic bitches post Marilyn Monroe quotes.
marilyn monroe quotes
Bad bitches think Marilyn Monroe was kinda’ a basic bitch.


15. Self-awareness

Bad bitches know they’re bad bitches.

Basic bitches have to take a Buzzfeed quiz to figure it out….
IMG_3391

…because Buzzfeed just might be the most basic of all.

LYLAS,
Ashley

Follow on Instagram @AshHess for a bunch of #basic #SELFIES and #inspirational #quotes!

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Pop Culture + Social Media

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