emoji collage

Guaranteed you’ve been that girl or been in a conversation with that girl who’s like, “Ugh, I just wish there was a penis Emoji!”

Like hell you do.

Most girls don’t even like getting real dick pics. Why would we want tiny, cartoon dick pics splashed across our iPhone screens? No thanks.

But we ladies do love to chat about S-E-X and the only thing we love more than that is Emoji usage. Since there are no “openly sexual” Emojis in the current repertoire (where are all those new ones we were promised, btw?), we have to get clever when discussing our “relations.” And I, for one, am all about any sort of creative stimulation.

Here are some of my favorites.

The Male Member: The eggplant is always a solid go-to (pun intended) for a normal-sized dude, but when you need to be more descriptive, there are a slew of gems at your disposal (for the love of God, never miss an opportunity to use the fried shrimp).

1. Like so:small dick
2. Or the exact opposite:
horse cock

3. And this anatomy lesson:
grower not shower

Foreplay/sex: The fun is endless. And for the record, the only time anyone should EVER dry hump is JUST so they can use the jeans-camel Emoji combo. Come on, we’re adults here.

4. For example:
dry hump

5. As a rule, always use the briefcase when talking about a job:
hand job
6. As well as the line graph:
down on

7. I think we all know what the red dot refers to: 
peirod, blew

8. We all know the 69 is actually a zodiac sign (MY zodiac sign), but sometimes it’s the only option when talking about the night’s prior activities:69
9. The unexpected ass smack (always a bold move):
ass smack 2

10. Climaxing (that rocket is money): orgasm 2
11. Bedroom truth: doggystyle

12. This never happens in real life, but whatever: surfboard

13. This might, though:

And when all is said and done…

14. Plan A:

15. Plan B: 
plan b

And there’s finally serious talk of a taco Emoji, so do with that what you will…

taco emoji
Happy sexting, friends!
emoji kiss


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Guys + Dating, Pop Culture + Social Media


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