GIRLS. LOVE. INSTAGRAM. The only thing girls love more than cupcakes, coffee, Emojis, new outfits, and skinny pictures of themselves are putting cupcakes, coffee, Emojis, new outfits, and skinny pictures of themselves on Instagram, so according to my genius deductive reasoning skills, that means they literally love Instagram more than anything else in the entire universe. As for girls who think it’s totally acceptable to post multiple selfies a day…they love Instagram on a whole different level.
most some of the stuff girls do on Instagram is #basic and stupid AF, but we’re all guilty of it on occasion (you can’t NOT Insta your Starbucks when holiday season hits, duh). So I had a thought…what if guys did the shit girls do? Let’s take a looksee.
2. The unrelated sexy selfie. “Super sale at Kohl’s!” “Get out there and vote!” “I’m on an airplane!” What does any of that have to do with a close-up of your come-hither face? It doesn’t. You’re a narcissist. @aaronchewning
3. The aerial coffee in bed shot. A chick blogger staple. But like, WHOSE ASS IS IN YOUR FACE TAKING THIS?
4. #Blessed hot dog legs. Because nothing says “relaxation” like your upper thigh meat.
5. The Marilyn Monroe. Enough said. (Even better when you botch the quote.)
6. The fashion blogger PicStitch. Because one pose and one photo of your outfit is NEVER ENOUGH. Extra points for an introspective quote.
7. THE CUPCAKE. Extra points if it’s Sprinkles (OMGGGG), a seasonal flavor, and you’re on a park bench. Also known as the @YouDidNotEatThat.
8. Sneaky dog selfie. Yes you may be taking a photo of your “fur baby” (gag) but it’s still a selfie, SORRY. Even worse if you’re pretending to be asleep yet still taking a photo of yourself (why?).
9. Outfit of the day (#OOTD) mirror selfie. The more descriptive the better because we really care.
10. Gym selfie reflection. Again, one photo of you sticking out your ass and sucking in your stomach until you nearly pass out is never enough. Plus, you’re artsy.
11. The eat clean/green smoothie selfie. You have to show the world you’re doing a body good whilst also showing us how attractive you are. Extra points for Lululemon (thumb holes OMG), tree Emoji, and 8,000 hashtags.
13. The “Look at my ass while I pretend to refer to something else” sneak. You’re not fooling anyone, skanks.
14. The beach “office” humblebrag. You’re the worst.
And that’s what happens when fellas act like females on the ol’ Insta. Kinda’ makes you want to think twice before you Kelvin the hell out of that legs and latte pic and hashtag #weekendvibes next time, doesn’t it? HA, I’m just kidding. Nobody uses Kelvin.
*For more BROS BEING BASIC on Instagram: @BrosBeingBasic
*A massive thanks to the incredible and hilarious guys who did this and put up with me through it. I am so #blessed to have them in my life. And ladies, most of them are single, so stalk away.
*And follow me if you want @AshHess.