Showering is overrated, AMIRITE? Oh, you think I’m gross now? Well your mom’s gross.
Sorry I didn’t mean that. Your mom is an angel. But seriously, here are six reasons you can skip the sprinkle.
1. You don’t have time.
Well you DID have time but then you settled into a Sex and the City marathon on TBS/opened up Instagram/started stalking your crush’s ex’s extended family on FB/etc. and now it’s 6 minutes until your dinner reservation on the other side of town. Throw on some odor-trapping skinny jeans and get your ass to dinner so your friends don’t disown you for being 45 minutes late for the 9237492347th time. You did this to yourself.
Or you ACTUALLY don’t have time because back-to-back meetings all day followed by a happy hour on a patio in 80-degree weather (WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS?!), and then you have to rush off to a Tinder date. Even though that photogenic guy/gal you swiped right on is probably going to look like Steve Buscemi IRL, you still don’t want your pits to stank.
2. It’s dangerous.
This one is mainly for the guys who know that a women’s shower is a total war zone. With approximately 2394729298 products in there and your natural propensity to take up more space, you’re not getting out without a bruised toe or full-on concussion.
3. You’re not going to wash your hair anyway so what’s the point?
Seriously, this is why dry shampoo was invented.
4. You’re not having sex anyway so what’s the point?
5. There’s a drought.
Because there’s always a drought. And if there’s not, there’s a flood. We can’t win. The world is ending. If you live in California, you should be showering once a week TOPS.
6. You showered yesterday.
Take a cue from the Europeans because they’re clearly doing something right–they’re thinner, healthier, happier, and don’t shoot up schools every other day (oops did I just get too serious?). Anyway, they know that skipping a day or two of showering is good for the skin and the soul.
7. There’s a product so you don’t have to.
Behold the main reason you don’t need to shower (and reason for writing this blog): Goodwipes. Created by two attractive Atlanta dudes, these individually packaged cleansing wipes are hypoallergenic, environmentally-friendly, and BIG (because a wet nap cannot begin to conquer your situation). Use them at home and throw ‘em in your car, gym bag, or
shack bag purse for when you don’t have time to hit the showers but have be around other people (or just can’t stand your own filth). There are separate versions for men and women, and they even have special wipes for DOWN THERE (which I fondly refer to as “tootie towels”).
Check out this hilarious commercial starring my friend and comedian Lace Larrabee:
I love this product (and Lace’s Oscar-worthy performance) so much, I asked them to hook up my readers. I’m giving away 6-month supplies of
tootie towels Goodwipes to TWO lucky readers! Just comment below with your favorite reason for not showering and I’ll choose the winners by Monday, October 19. And you can also get 10% off your purchase with code SWEATY (yes, they let me create my own code).
Keep it clean, y’all!