Hey, what’s up. It’s me, Adele. I know it’s been like, forever and you’ve probably moved on but I wanted to see if you’d be down to meet so we can rehash our awful breakup. I’m sure you already know this but I’m super famous (like, 10 Grammys famous) and I’m actually in LA right now and I was just thinking about how much fun we used to have. You know, back when we were like, 19 and had zero responsibility and everything was fun. We’re so different now. Mainly because I’m rich and famous and far away. I must have called you a thousand times to remind you how I broke your heart. Were you screening my calls? Are you over me or something? I’m doing so great! Again, the fame and wealth and city living are absolutely ahhhh-mazing. Oops there I go talking about myself again! Btw, did you ever make it out of that shithole town where there was literally nothing to do ever? To be honest, I’m kinda’ freaking out about getting older and ending up alone, so I wanted to talk to you and make sure you still loved me. Like I said, I called you a BUNCH of times. I just wanted to apologize and everything. Mainly to make myself feel better. Guess you don’t care. Give me a call back if you get a chance. TTYL, Adele *
For the record, I’m still obsessed with this song and Adele is everything. Her album can’t come out soon enough.