Funny story: A few months ago at a comedy show, the headliner asked “Do we have any Hillary fans in the house?”
And someone called out, “Duff?”
Me: (spits vodka out) Whut.
No girl (bless your heart), not Hillary Duff. Hillary CLINTON, potentially the next LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. The presidential candidate who claims to have hot sauce in her bag (#swag) like Beyonce. The candidate supported by Kim Kardashian (and probably the rest of the insufferable Kardashian/Jenner/Caitlyn/West/Tyga/Blac Chyna/WTFisthisfamily clan). The candidate you can follow on Snapchat. Oh #HillYes, she’s on Snapchat.
Which got me thinking….is Hillary just a basic white girl? Is she taking duckface selfies to send to Bill on the reg? Rocking Lulu leggings and Uggs when she’s not wearing power pantsuits? Waking up hungover AF after too much rosé and LITERALLY DYING until she gets to brunch? Abusing the flower crown filter on Snapchat? Let’s see what her Instagram (the preferred social media outlet of all #BasicBitches) has to say:
1) Taking pics of BRUNCH!
If you didn’t ‘gram it, did it even happen? (Not pictured: Bottomless mimosas YAAASS.)
2) Cat pictures.
Bonus basic points if they’re wearing clothes. Hashtag #KittiesForClinton.
3) The casual “Omg I love to eat bad food!” pic.
Every basic white girl on this planet has posted a pic of herself about to put a giant piece of meat in her mouth. What? (Don’t worry, it’s CHEAT DAY!)
4) MANI GOALS.
Extra points for a BEYONCE THEME + nail emoji. And if these are acrylic, I literally can’t even. (But really with the yellow emojis? Get it together, HC).
5) Unconditional Love for Katy Perry.
Ok, well technically this rings true for every girl, basic or not. Katy is everything. (But damn Hill, back at it again with the celeb selfies….)
6) Peddling jewelry.
You haven’t fully reached basic status unless you’ve tried to sell shit on Insta with a “link in bio!” mention. At least it’s not Rodan + Fields.
7) #TBTs with bae.
AND with a quote? Killin’ the #RelationshipGoals game (ish).
Basic bitches are social media queens (or at least think they are). You have GOT to cross-promote your channels or you are losing at life. Promote your Snapchat on your Insta, your Twitter on your Snapchat, your Insta on your Tinder, and your Tinder on your AshleyMadison.
9) Loving coffee more than literally anything.
Brb, about to run the country…….#ButFirstCoffee! LOL!!!
Bonus points for candid shots of you actually ordering coffee. LATTES ARE LIFE!!!
10) Never knowing what to wear and posting about it.
All that’s missing are the designer names for a true #humblebrag. “Hmmm, which Ann Taylor Loft skirt suit should I wear today? #DecisionsDecisions lmao”
11) Emoji texting.
A text + emojis posted on Instagram definitely measures on the Basic Bitch Richter Scale. An eggplant would have strengthened this post, but you can’t always be on point.
12) Inspirational memes in cursive.
There is truly nothing more inspiring than a bold cursive font and empowering words about the future on Instagram. (But if you’re not tagging #MondayMotivation, does it even matter?)
And last but certainly not least….
13. Kim K. fangirling.
There is nothing more basic than a selfie with Kim Kardashian West. Period. The presence of Kanye is irrelevant in this instance (and life in general).
The verdict? Hills definitely trends toward basic, but until we see her in leggings and Uggs watching a Real Housewives marathon and actually doing a duckface in her celeb selfies, we just can’t know for sure. We’re going to find out a lot come
election PSL season.