I watch The Bachelorette on ABC. Am I proud of it? I am. It’s wonderful. Like Justin Bieber in a bathtub wonderful. If you have no life like me and TV is your soulmate, you know we are in the middle of The Bachelorette Season 127. If you do better things with your life than […]

If you are a normal person, then you have no idea what happened on The Bachelorette this season because you have much better things to do with your life like succeed.  Therefore, let me recap for you because I have no life and believe in love. A bunch of dudes went on a terrible show […]

Dear Sam, I hope this letter finds you well. I have come to the conclusion that…well…I have a male-to-male appreciation for you. Fuck it, a Man Crush. You see Sam, it appears that every female on Planet Earth (and possibly Venus) is in love with you and your songs instead of me. You have stolen […]

Hello, music friends. This old man attended the famous Coachella Music Festival last weekend and would like to report back to you about my magical experience. Overall, meh. Sure there are 17,000 bands and DJs splattered over a bushel of stages consuming the Empire Polo Grounds, but it’s not all horses and roses. Aside from […]

Jean shorts, dirty feet, Cheeto-colored spray tans, bra-less nipples, day drinking, $12 beers, sweat ‘staches, and food stands frying every edible object possible. That’s right, lovers and losers: It’s FESTIVAL SEASON. And your ol’ friend Tom is here to discuss it. Running from spring through summer, this jovial season is composed of EDM festivals, beer […]

New Year’s resolutions. What a disaster. Now I know some of you losers fine folks actually love New Year’s resolutions and some of you loathe them, but let’s all agree they NEVER WORK. Show me the bastard who sets decent resolutions and keeps them a full year. It has never happened in the history of humans. […]

Why do girls cry about everything? Could someone please explain this phenomenon to me? I don’t mean just once in a while like I do, but all the time. Now, I can understand when ol’ girl catches her amazing-soulmate-boyfriend tongue kissing another man he met at QuickTrip, but I’m talking about the smallest occurrences in […]

Holy piss! The Internet fouled up and went bananas last week and my selfie article scored a hella-trillion hits. That is West Coast speak, folks. Who says hella? Who cares. Some fancy reports are showing over 25 people actually read it. Call Guiness Book of World Records and tell those stupid yahoos to catch a […]

Hello, cyber friends. I would like to address something that is causing me great anxiety and has become the bastard child of social media. Now don’t get me right, I love social media. Twitters, The Facebook, Instantgrams, Youporn–they are all amazing and consume just about 90% of my waking hours. However, with the good comes the […]

Holy Moses, it’s (almost) Halloween! Nerds, geeks, dweebs, dorks, and smoking hot chicks UNITE! It is our time! Grab your Star Trek pajamas and let’s rage. Dudes with awesome muscles and great hair: Stay home or wear a snowsuit. Although we know you’ll just wear the same costume you wear every year (Trojan warrior, no […]

Who let the dogs out? An EPIC SONG from the Baha Men, one of the greatest bands of all times except Wilson Phillips. Speaking of dogs and men from Baha, I am a true animal expert. My love of the animal kingdom led me to study pre-vet at Auburn University where, after two attempts, I […]

Hey gals. Your new bestie Tom here. I want to give you a smidge of advice and share the story of how the most attractive girl on this sweet Earth rejected me when I asked her out, BUT made feel like a million bucks at the same time. Now, you might not know this, but rejection […]

Hey gang. It’s your old friend “Tough Love Tom” here bringing you more critical relationship advice and information. In this gluttony of piss-warm info, I will be perplexing you with some advice about online dating. OH NO, HE SAID ONLINE DATING!!! Listen, you know you do it and if not, you want to do it, […]

Ok ladies, it’s your man-friend Trey here (aka Tough Love Tom) taking a break from Candy Crush to help you figure out the male gender and how to not mess up a good thing in a week or less. We already discussed long toenails and bad spray tans, but at the end of this Pulitzer […]