Girls are notorious for being late. And no I don’t mean ALL girls so you punctual bitches can refrain from being offended and/or typing out a comment detailing your punctuality and how it’s equated to your superior success so all of us late assholes can feel like loser pieces of shit. Because we already feel […]

As much as I loved Gisele boxing out her Internet haters with her unnaturally perfect post-baby body (FML), this video/PSA from the UK gives me a whole new level of #ChillBumps. Because we work hard, sweat profusely, kick ass, and don’t all look like Gisele doing it (because no one does…except Gisele). Enjoy, you bad […]

My brother texted me with a “hilarious” YouTube link and said “I cannot deal with it” and I was like, “Wait, he literally can’t even right now?” I had to watch. Behold Chris D’elia (my #1 comic crush as of late) impersonate drunk girls with incredible accuracy. I mean, HOW CAN HE BE THAT GOOD? […]

You know the feeling: You wake up and want to simultaneously do cartwheels, call your BFFs, and Gorilla Glue yourself to the warm body next to you so you’ll never EVER have be apart. But chances are you’ll nix the acrobatics, settle for a quick Emoji update on the group text (eggplant + heart + smiling […]

Sometimes you can’t help but judge. Like if you met someone and they (seriously) said, “Look me up on MySpace,” I hope you’d back away as quickly as possible. Luckily, no legitimate human being still uses MySpace so that would never actually happen, but there are PLENTY of other things people still do that blow my […]

Let’s be honest. Guys are gross. But girls are might be grosser. The shit girls say when they’re in the unconditional loving comfort of their best friends is facking insane, and if dudes knew the half of it, they would probably never get a boner again. In other words, if you’re a dude and you’re reading […]

I was on a bachelorette party this weekend in Charleston, and while I had an absolute blast, I couldn’t help but think how things had changed from the bachelorette parties I attended before I hit the big 3-0. For one, I still remembered my name on Sunday. And I didn’t have to take a Plan […]

Recently, I did a post about the five fattest foods girls love to eat, and I think it got a pageview or two (million). Turns out, we ladies love feeding our inner fat girl and talking about it. But we all have an inner Gisele, too, and she likes to eat different stuff. Like this… […]

Girls these days JUST CAN’T. Sometimes we can’t even, sometimes we CAN NOT and other times, we are literally dying. We often ask “Is this real life?”, realize our lives are totally F’d (#FML), or simply have to say “stop” (or use this Emoji). But lots of people (namely males) don’t understand why girls can’t […]

Most girls, no matter how thin, have an inner fat kid who comes out on special occasions (read: when certain foods are presented to her). In honor of Fat Tuesday, I’d like to present these glorious bundles of empty calories. 5. Cheese dip and chips. Walk into a Mexican/Tex-Mex restaurant during happy hour/dinner and you’re […]

One day last week, whilst walking my dog (read: IN PUBLIC), I looked down at myself and truly comprehended what I was wearing: Army green yoga pants (AKA the most unflattering piece of clothing I’ve ever put on my body), a red T-shirt from a Mexican restaurant that I got FREE on Cinco de Mayo […]

Some things in life truly baffle me: Nickelback fans, Stonehenge, Ed Hardy wearers, people who still watch soap operas, and most of all….the MISSING EMOJIS. Why are there TWO camels, but not one black person? And two Halloween icons (ghost + pumpkin), but no Thanksgiving turkey? It’s bullshit and we all know it. Most recently, […]

Why do girls cry about everything? Could someone please explain this phenomenon to me? I don’t mean just once in a while like I do, but all the time. Now, I can understand when ol’ girl catches her amazing-soulmate-boyfriend tongue kissing another man he met at QuickTrip, but I’m talking about the smallest occurrences in […]

Loading the player … Here’s the deal: Toyota Corolla lent me a 2014 whip for the weekend and encouraged me to pick up my girlfriends and ride around town. I was like, duh. Any chance to drive something other than my 2003 Xterra with (dog) fur-covered back seats and the “Service Engine” light on, I’ll […]

I have a confession. Yesterday…on day 4 of the 5-day juice cleanse…I cheated. I had to come clean to my partner in juicing crime… You guys, when the coffee was brewing and the smell hit my nostrils, I really did feel like my 19-year-old self getting into a bar with my fake ID and catching […]

Ok ladies, it’s your man-friend Trey here (aka Tough Love Tom) taking a break from Candy Crush to help you figure out the male gender and how to not mess up a good thing in a week or less. We already discussed long toenails and bad spray tans, but at the end of this Pulitzer […]

Ladies and gents, it is a very special day over here at Witty + Pretty. Our very first MALE contributor (and hopefully, the first of many) is on deck! Legendary Atlanta playboy, successful entrepreneur, and JC Penney catalog model Trey “Tom” Humphreys is offering up his (extreme) expertise on what turns men off about women […]

Let’s talk about tampon/pad commercials. They’re lame. About as lame as getting your period on the first day of vacay. Or the night you decide to sleep with your new dude for the first time (WHY, GOD WHY?!). Anyway. It’s like, HELLO, what a golden opportunity for advertisers to make funny ads for women (because […]

Sending racy pics is risky business. And I don’t just mean because they can make their way around the Internet and end up on your parents’ iPad while they surf “pop culture news” over their morning coffee. There’s the more serious risk of the photos not looking good. Here are a few things to consider […]

Remember that time your carry-on bag got checked at the airport and the security guy pulled out your vibrator and made you turn it on? Oh wait. That was me. But it’s precisely the reason why us gals could really use a pleasure piece that won’t get us into awkward situations. You know, something you […]

Last night, whilst out with the girls at hip Midtown Atlanta watering hole, Proof and Provision, we caught wind that Mr. Ice Cube himself was in our presence – yes, THAT Ice Cube from Friday, Next Friday, I Know What You Did Last Friday, “You Can Do It, Put Your Ass Into It,” and the […]

It’s that time again–a list of things that are perfectly acceptable in life. I’ve covered the Olympics (and have since taken back my crush on Ryan Lochte); Facebook (and probably pissed off some new moms), and now I’m moving on to something most of us can relate to: Working out. I actually enjoy working out […]

As you may know, every Friday, I confess five things I’ve done the previous week that some might find offensive, embarrassing, or awkward, but that I fully embrace and encourage you to do the same. This week is a collaboration of my thoughts/observations on the Olympics and I’m curious to know if I’m the only […]

In the wise words of The Cure, “It’s Friday, I’m in love.” Except I’m not in love (well, unless you count my new Michael Stars maxi skirt, vodka, and Joe Manganiello), but it is Friday, which means it’s time for another roundup of things I’ve done recently and hope you have, too, so we can […]