T. G. I. Friday! (PS, that was my favorite restaurant in high school.) It’s time for me to share the things I’ve done recently and hope you’ve done something(s) similar so we can all feel completely satisfied with our lives. Presenting, the third installment of:
It’s totally acceptable if…
1. You walk into an athleticwear store and straight up ask the salesgirl, “Which pants won’t give me camel toe?”
2. You’re legitimately devastated when you go to a wedding and there is not one person you would hook up with, even after 17 vodka sodas.
3. You think Christina Aguilera is a totally lame, obnoxious man-hater and wish The Voice would replace her with a hot mess like Paula Abdul or a badass like Pink.
4. You cruise Whole Foods for cheese samples only to find a bunch of empty dishes, and get doubly pissed at 1) the greedy a-holes who scarfed everything down before you got there and 2) the employees for not replenishing that shiz.
5. You shut down a dude who booty texts you on a WEDNESDAY.
And then shut him down again.
(Dewey is my dog).
Have a great weekend, everyone! Do something to make your mom (or your probation officer) proud.