What…a week it’s been. The Bachelorette season 78 premiered, a fab boutique-y nail salon opened right down the street from my apartment (there goes my savings account), and all over the world, douchey guys sent ridiculous text messages to unassuming girls.

Anyway. It’s Friday, which means it’s time for me to reveal some things I’ve done recently and hope you’ve done the same so we can be Internet soul sisters for life (or at least the weekend). Presenting…

It’s totally acceptable if…

1. You act offended when a server gives only you an extra-large spoon for a shared dessert (wtf?), but are secretly excited because you’ll be able to take larger bites.

2. You buy a sheer tank and think, You know what would go perfectly with this? My hot pink bra.

You bust out laughing (loudly) in a quiet coffee shop when your best friend sends you this text she got from a douchey ex-dude who’s trying to date her again.

Then give her your sage advice.

4. You secretly love that gorgeous Bachelorette Emily has zero personality.

5. You seriously ponder whether drinking out of a penis straw during a bachelorette night out is going to help or hurt your chances of meeting your soulmate.

On that note, I’m off to my high school bestie’s bachelorette party this weekend! Have a great weekend, everyone, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (which is basically nothing).


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