Some guys are down for a fancy schmancy dinner on Valentine’s Day (*cough* amateur night), complete with him picking you up, roses in hand, and ending the night with both of you too sleepy from the booze and full from the “love themed menu” to even get freaknasty.

But, NEWSFLASH: Most guys aren’t. The thing about Valentine’s Day is that it’s truly a girl’s holiday, designated and designed for guys to put forth some effort into being romantic, but most of them would rather skip from February 13 to the 15. I decided to conduct some serious research and find out what guys really want for Valentine’s Day, just in case any of you ladies want to please him for this Hallmark holiday…

The names have been changed, but these 10 fine fellas are attractive, successful, real dudes ranging from married to perpetual player, ages 27-40. (I promise.) Take a look at what they have to say:

Mark, single:
1. NOT to have to go to some prix fixe, multi-course, overpriced dinner with amateurs who seem surprised that something so exotic as ceviche could taste good. Losers.
2. Hilarious/sentimental trumps practical. Not the case for say, birthdays, but again, Valentine’s is a stupid, sentimental holiday and its gifts should reflect that. And handwritten cards mean more than a signature.
3. Dinner is great. Preferably one cooked at home with little cleanup so you have time to relax, drink wine, laugh/reminisce over said gift and perhaps have a first-word-rhymes-with-slow-second-word-rhymes-with-Bob. ALL guys want one. Always. Also, all guys love a well-groomed woman so clean it up so there can be some enjoyable reciprocation.

Ned, in a relationship:
I would love a sensual massage and a movie on the couch.

Travis, married:
1. Something sentimental that brings back the nostalgia. [My wife] bought me a bottle of wine from a vineyard we visited in Napa that we both loved. It brought back a lot of memories of the time we were there and was fun to talk about. Even the sommelier at Rathbun’s loved it.  Short Answer:  Alcohol.
2. Electronics! We love them! Beats by Dre headphones, iPad mini, Jambox, all are welcome.
3. Something sexy. Lotiony hand job while wearing a Mila Kunis mask and speaking broken Portuguese. Don’t judge.

Joel, in a relationship:
Sex. Guys want sex and beer. That is all.

Matt, in a relationship:
1. No preconceived notions of what I’m “supposed” to get her for V-Day. Screw roses, screw candy, screw expensive dinner.
2. Something she created.
3. Something to do with our history. A little slice of our story.

Trent, single:
I would want something out of the box. I feel like there are always those traditional gifts. “Dinner and a movie…roses…cologne…perfume…chocolates…blah.” I think it would be cool to see some creativity and plan a date like dinner on a blanket under where planes fly in at an airport or a hot air balloon. Something new and different because you can do dinner at the nicest restaurant in town, but it’s still just eating out.

Gene, in a relationship:
I’d like a basket filled with cheeseburgers and Wes Anderson movies. And for her to take out the trash for that entire week.

Toby, in a relationship:
Personally, the perfect gift would be my gf telling me she doesn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s.

Jay, in a relationship:
A really great massage. A couples massage would be cool.

TJ, in a relationship:
Guys want to not have to do anything on Valentine’s Day. Guys hate Valentine’s Day.  I would say what guys want is:
1) To have a low key night–no fancy reservations, fancy candies, or stuffed animals.
2) A blow job.
3) A blow job.

Well damn, ladies. You can handle the massage and fellatio without spending a dime (SCORE!). But honestly, I hear time and time again that guys want to forego the fancy restaurant for dinner (and dessert, wink wink) at home. I say if you really want to make his night, cook a meal (whilst wearing something sexy – click HERE for inspiration), move into massage territory or present him with a sentimental and/or funny gift, then start stretching your jaw. (Did I really just say that?).

Here’s hoping he doesn’t show up empty-handed.


*And forget about what HE might get you–you can still enter to win gorgeous Mickey Lynn jewelry by sharing a bad dating story through Monday! 

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