Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson are very beautiful ladies, but WHY are they SO EFFING LARGE whilst pregnant?! I get that they’re short, but I’ve known many pint-size women who did not turn into sumo wrestlers when they were knocked up. There is the issue of Kim’s curvy figure (read: big ass), but like, the kid is in the belly, not the booty. And if that is a legitimate reason, then what’s Jessica’s excuse? Ms. Simp absolutely blew my mind with her first pregnancy. I would see her in magazines/on TV and wonder if it was CGI. Seriously. Remember this textchange between my BFF and me?

jess simpson convoI think we were all shocked when she just birthed one child (albeit, little Maxwell was not so little at nearly 10 pounds).

I mean…maybe they just like to eat and there ain’t NOTHIN’ wrong with that. If I ever got pregnant, I would definitely pack on about 80-100 pounds because I would literally scarf down everything I ever wanted to eat in my entire life in large quantities over a 9-month span. And then I would probably pop out an 11-pounder. Which is exactly why I’m not having kids.

But anyway. This issue does beg the question….

kim, jessica

Just…wow. I don’t think Kimye is tipping the scales up to J. Simp’s level quite yet, but let’s check back in a month or so and she just might take the cake (after eating it, of course).

And then there’s the pregnant selfie thing. The-former-Mrs.-Nick-Lachey blew my mind AGAIN with this, because not only does she look like she’s on something with a baby in her belly, but she also thought it would be a good idea to do duckface? I can’t even. At least Kim kept it classy. Ish.

kim, jessica simp

The pregnant selfie in general baffles me. “Hey, I’m really HUGE right now and I have a giant stomach that creeps some people out, so let me just put it on the Internet for hundreds/thousands/millions of strangers to see.” I think these showy, knocked up celebs could learn a thing or two from Beyonce. And by that, I mean get a surrogate (KIDDING. I think.).

Maybe I just don’t get it. Reason #23498 why I shouldn’t reproduce.

Excuse me while I take my birth control with a vodka soda.


*Hey guys, I would never poke fun at anyone with a weight problem, but Kim and Jess are the first to point out how large they are and we all know they’re going to lose the baby weight and probably look better than they did before (and better than most of us), so let’s not get all sensitive as I try to dissect this anomaly that I know is baffling your mind as well. I want a cupcake.

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Join the conversation! 4 Comments

  1. So, I am pregnant, and I am absolutely HORRIFIED at what is becoming of these women. Is this what is going to happen to me??? If so, I am up shit creek because I do not have the funds to pay someone to help me starve myself/lactate myself back to a 110 lb pre-baby weight (fact: I haven’t been 110 lbs since middle school). At this point, I think J. Simp is winning, but I have no doubt Kim has not reached her full fat potential yet. When is she due? Now I’m going to go obsessively compare my ass to hers in the mirror for the next hour.

  2. Save a cupcake for me! I think KK is gonna win this one. She had more trunk-junk to start with.

  3. I will NEVER understand the baby belly pics on Facebook. Never.

  4. I die for this. Kim who first of all is a complete moron for getting knocked up by douche bag Kanye, needs to stop wearing bodycon dresses ASAP. And her excessive heals/makeup/hair is just too much for being prego. Kourtney pulled it off well, and she did it in boho dresses and easy breezy ‘dos.

    Either way, they’re both a hot fucking mess. And proving my reason to not have children that much easier.

    xo Jessica

    My Style Vita


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