I was one of the lucky ones who, by some miracle of the TV Gods, saw the Miss Teen South Carolina 2007 fiasco LIVE. I haven’t watched a pageant since I was about 10, but was flipping through the channels, stopped for a moment and saw that Miss Teen SC was up and thought I’d check her out since I went to college in South Carolina, and after she answered (if you can even call it that), I sat there stunned for a good 20 minutes. When I finally came to, I remember texting a friend, “I can’t even describe what I just witnessed, but it will be on the Internet tomorrow.”

And now we have Miss Utah’s cringe-worthy performance from last night’s Miss USA pageant. Let’s be clear this is MISS, not MISS TEEN, which means that this is a WOMAN, not a young girl.

I have so many thoughts…

1. Nene Leakes is a judge? I mean…what? All I have to say is I wish she would have started off with “So let me axe you this…”

2. I thought pageant chicks had to PRACTICE answering questions. I mean, if you told me that Miss Utah had been a mute her entire life and this was the first time she had ever spoken actual words, I would believe it.

3. I would also believe that she was wasted (her eyes do look a little low). And if that was the case, I’m totally ok with this, because if I had to answer that question after 17 vodka drinks and 4.5 Fireball shots, it would be a very similar situation.

4. Is that a Jonas brother?

5. How the HELL does Guiliana keep it together? I could never.

6. No seriously, Guiliana should win an Oscar for her serious, encouraging nodding and straight-faced “Thank you, Utah” at the end. If only Chelsea Handler had been hosting…

7. In Miss Utah’s defense, they did complicate the question. Why couldn’t they just say, “Look, women are bringing home the bacon in a lot of households, but still make less than dudes in the workplace. What up with that?” She might have understood it better. And I’m sure Nene wanted to axe it like that anyway.

8. Thank God Brent Musburger wasn’t commentating this pageant, because that gal looks like his type. Although I’m sure he was watching at home with a boner.

9. Maybe this is all a publicity stunt to become the next big Internet sensation. Didn’t Miss Teen South Carolina get offered a porn deal? Oh wait, that was Miss Teen Delaware (reppin’ my homestate!).

10. Bottom line: We need to continue to try to strive to figure out how to create education better.

I mean, I guess we can’t argue with that.


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  1. dying. i wanted to axe you for your thoughts on how we can continue to try to strive to figure out how to create education better.
    i watched this earlier and was thinking the same thing about guiliana – she should win an emmy for not cracking even a smirk during that train wreck.

  2. I also went to college in SC and tuned in for the final five just to watch her. My takeaway- how in God’s name did Miss Utah place above Miss SC?! Granted, Miss SC’s answer kinda sucked too, but not nearly as bad


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