starboard 2
1. I’m going on a weeklong vacation to celebrate my 30th birthday at my favorite place on Earth, Dewey Beach, Delaware, with my family and friends! Obviously, I plan on checking into the Delta Sky Club and getting in an escalator workout.

2. As you read this, I’m probably on a plane sitting in between a crying baby and someone with halitosis or already at the beach, cocktail in hand and 17 more on the way.

3. The nice fellow we refer to as “Rapture Claw” (click HERE to see why) will be there. And I’ll probably run into one (or five) of my sketchy ex-flings. In other words, awkward times will be had.

4. My giant brother bartends at (and basically runs) one of the best bars on the beach. So that’s convenient.
5. On the agenda: Orange Crushes (Dewey’s signature drink), Grapefruit Crushes, Fireball shots, Mattaritas (my bro’s special), booze cruise, #EpicSuicideSunday (all-day partying starting at The Starboard at 9 a.m.), champagne showers, public makeouts, Irish car bombs, getting tan, getting tanner, a comedy night (on my actual birthday, so I might force myself on stage and slur out a joke or two), Flying Puke Pose, late-night Mama Celeste pizza, hanging out with The Most Interesting Man in the World, hanging out with F-bomb news anchor AJ Clemente, screaming “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” entirely too loud and too many times, inappropriate girl talk on on the beach, someone losing/breaking a phone, drunk texts, and finding love.

Hopefully finding love shouldn’t be a problem after those first four agenda items.

Lord help me.

But Witty + Pretty will still be up and running with some FAB guest bloggers and awesome posts. Just wait until Monday’s post. Two words: SUMMER. STEALS.

Wish me luck on my #ThisIs30 bender and I might just post something really special on the actual day….


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  1. […] doubles and days of Chuice chugging and I should be back to normal. I celebrated with a beach week (remember?), and then an Atlanta soiree, which included a Fur Bus pickup, pig roast at my favorite restaurant […]

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