The Internet is a glorious place. Even if you know nothing about nothing, it can educate you to GED status. Sure, some of it will be fake and you’ll probably believe it, but so what? The World Wide Web is abuzz with World Cup madness so I compiled some of the best articles out there so you can make a few clicks and know everything you need to know. (And don’t forget about the best commercial ever.)

5. Why you should hate every other country.
Did you know Australians kill kangaroos? And Greece is bankrupt? And Ecuador invented the ceiling fan (maybe)? This article by Clay Travis brilliantly maps out why every country but ours sucks dick. USA! USA! USA!

4. Pitbull Tried to Steal the Show (SHOCKER
To kick things off, Jennifer Lopez raided Beyonce’s closet (that bitch) and Pitbull wore too-tight, white denim capri pants with a jersey tucked in. Because fashion.
j lo pitbull world cup

3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt quit acting to coach the Croatia team. What?

Screen Shot 2014-06-13 at 10.50.16 AM

2. Brazil is supposed to win.

A turtle says so. Or Goldman Sachs. Whatever, I don’t know. USA! USA! USA!

Soccer guys are THE HOTTEST. When was the last time you got a lady boner from the Super Bowl, Masters, or Final Four? Exactly.
hottest guys world cup 1
hottest guys world cup 2I love Vogue‘s top 12 dudes, but there are plenty more articles out there on this important topic.

Let the games begin! (Ok, so they already did but whatever.)

Love and futbol,

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