What do women want? The age-old question men ask themselves…and women probably ask themselves even more. Also, a Mel Gibson movie (that was FOURTEEN YEARS AGO by the way, FML).

But this revolutionary new service out of San Fran (obvi), is attempting to give women EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT. And it’s not a stripper’s oversized penis in our face, that’s for sure. Presenting: ManServants.

My first thought was, “Wow that chick’s ombre is perfection,” and my last thought was, “How soon can I move to San Fran?” Just kidding. No I’m not.

So yes, a ManServant checks these items off a woman’s wish list:
1. Pushing your baby stroller in the hot summer sun while shielding you from harmful UV rays with a designer parasol.
2. Taking ahhhh-mazing photos of you for Instagram so you don’t have to be a #SelfieSlut.
3. Refilling your champagne class while you lay by the pool so you don’t have to get up. Getting up is so 2013.
5. Cleaning floors (the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE) whilst showing off their hunky muscles.
4. Ensuring you make an entrance every time you walk in a room. Doves are nice, although I’d rather enter with flaming champagne bottles (but that’s just me).
6. Holding/scrolling your iPad/smartphone for you whilst in the bathtub, because we’ve all ruined a device or two trying to watch porn and use the detachable shower head at the same time. What?
manservants 2(That guy = lady boner.)

Your ManServant can also: Serenade you with a guitar (or ’80s boombox outside your window, whichever), compliment you in French/Australian/Ebonics/whatever accent turns you on, always be equipped with necessities like phone chargers and dry shampoo, take care of all your expenses like drinks and cabs (with a prepaid allowance, of course), or just be your personal (designated) driver.

Add blowouts, massages, and oral sex to the list and I’m sold.

These dreamy male specimens have to follow a code of conduct including rules like: Always responding with “As you wish,” paying you compliments every 15 minutes, holding your purse not matter how heavy or sequined, acting as a human shield against fast-moving vehicles and douchebags, and of course, keeping his penis in his pants and out of your face. (Lots of fellas have problems with that these days.)

You have questions, don’t you? (Who would do this? How much is it?). Here’s the scoop from ManServants: We’re currently building a dossier of ManServants in San Francisco and seeking service gentlemen performers who feel comfortable keeping their penis, and hands, to themselves. Suitable professions include bartenders, chefs, photographers, DJs, actors, models, musicians, and hot pool boy types. A ManServant is a gentleman host that knows how to charm the ladies and keep a party going. He’s the life of the party, while making the ladies the stars of the show. He’ll serve drinks, light cigarettes (EW what?), take Instagram photos, feed grapes (what about M&Ms?), and go above and beyond the call of duty to fulfill a lady’s every wish. Compensation begins at $80/hr and $300/day.

Genius? Basically. Degrading to men? As much as a million other things are to women (but let’s not open that can of worms). Would I do it? I mean, maybe for my birthday. If you sleep with them, does that make them gigolos? I’ll do it investigate and report back.

Bottoms up, boys!


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