Everywhere you look (Facebook, MySpace, you mom’s Tinder profile), you see someone turning up with their bae and other people saying they LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN if they hear the word bae one more time, and the rest of the universe is either sitting around taking basic Buzzfeed quizzes and drinking #PSLs or looking at “fitness models” on Instagram and being like, “Dat ass doe….”

What…a mouthful (of garbage).

If you read that sentence in 2012 you wouldn’t even know WTF I was talking about, but here we are in 2014 with a shitload of pop culture lingo we love to hate. That being said, it’s probably not disappearing anytime soon; in 2013, selfie was the word of the year (Lord help us) and I don’t think it’s anywhere close to retirement (hello, there’s an F’ing TV SHOW called Selfie). So if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em this Halloween. Presenting: How to dress up as your favorite (or most hated) slang.

1. BaeWatch

Get you a fire engine red one-piece or swim trunks and BAE it up for the night. Act ridiculously obnoxious with your significant other, take tons of kiss selfies and PicStitches for Instagram and hashtag #bae, and rescue anyone (via mouth to mouth) who looks like they don’t have a bae. Extra points if you bedazzle your swimsuit with the official bae emoji.

Or you could just dress up as the smiling poop Emoji since bae is the Danish word for FECES.
poop emoji

2. #TurnUp
Turn up. Turnip. Done and done, son.

IMG_6529Turn down for what? Not root vegetables.

And gals, I’m sure you can find some way to slut this up. Here’s some inspiration:
sexy fruits and vegetablesSEXY CORN. Excuse me while I punch myself in the face.

3. Basic Witch 

OH YES, I just gave away my Halloween costume for the sake of the greater good. I’m not giving away anything else, but if you go as a #BasicWitch, make sure to hashtag it on Instagram so we can start a damn movement.

4. Literally can’t even.

Bunch of girls, all wearing some basic dresses (check Bebe) and odd numbers painted/pinned on. Someone asks what you are. You say, “We can’t even.” BOOM.

5. Dat Ass Dough…
Enough said.

Happy Halloween, baes.


*If you’re in Atlanta and want to party with me and 1,000+ other raging alcoholics sensible partygoers, I’ll be at the Social Mess hootenanny on the 31st (#ShamelessPromo: Code HESS saves you a few bucks and makes me look cool). 

*Follow on Instagram for all the Halloween costumery and debauchery @AshHess

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