In my TEN YEARS of being on Facebook and making fun of liking engagement posts, I have never witnessed as many as I did this weekend, and a lot of my friends echoed this sentiment. I’ve seen multiple ones around the holidays or on Valentine’s Day (vom), but this was on a whole new level. I estimate there were approximately 29374928374 “I SAID YES!!!!!” posts and ring pics filling up my newsfeed yesterday.

And I was like, “August? WTF is going on?” And my friends were all, “OMG same here, what’s the deal!?”

Then a friend commented: “I think it has more to do with football season and distracting girls with wedding planning. Very strategic…”

And I was like
john stewart
Then it got me thinking about my boyfriend (yes it’s true I have one of those now; call the Single Ladies Club and revoke my membership). Over the course of our whirlwind 5-month relationship, I’ve been warned, “Oh just wait until football season,” multiple times from him and his friends. And I’m over here like

kristen wiig
Because my boyfriend is as obsessed with football as Kanye is with…..Kanye. I have no idea what I’m in for, but I’m expecting I’ll probably never see him on a Saturday from September 3 until 2016, my TV will be on Sportscenter every time I turn it on, and if I ever end up watching an Alabama game with him, I’ll have to be heavily sedated (brb refilling my dog’s Xanax prescription). Bottom line: I realized if he were able to create something in my life that would occupy me from September through December, he would 1000% do it.

But then I really pondered this theory which led me to crowd-source opinions on Facebook (obviously) and I received mixed messages from “OMG, my husband totally proposed in late August!” to “Yeah right, guys aren’t that smart” to “Wow, this is genius.”

And it CAN be genius because many women get engaged and just want to run with it on their own — book that dream venue, spend 17 hours a day on Pinterest, get the mom/sister/bestie(s) on board for dress shopping every Saturday until you find “The One”, and start picking out shit like centerpieces and linens without consulting their fiances because it’s OUR DAY, BITCHES. Meanwhile, ol’ boy is simultaneously watching his alma mater, updating his fantasy league, yelling out obscenities like “GO DAWGS!” or “ROLL TIDE!”, and scratching his balls in peace.

I personally would be fine with this because I am a type-A control freak like to make decisions. For EXAMPLE, let’s just say you don’t want any bridesmaids (SPOILER ALERT: I don’t) but your fiance insists on saying his vows surrounded by his 10 best bros like it’s a damn fraternity initiation. Creep into the room when he’s watching his team play, hand him a cold beer, and say “So you’re cool with not having a bridal party, right?”

“Sure, whatever (sips beer).”

Is that an exaggerated scenario? Maybe, but I’d be willing to give it a whirl.

Now I don’t want you August-engaged ladies getting bent out of shape, thinking your fiance/husband had ulterior motives when proposing and your whole relationship is a sham. Maybe he did, but WHO CARES. Consider it a #blessing for these five reasons:

1. See scenario above.

2. You can (probably) still get your venue booked for a summer (maybe even spring) wedding if you hustle up.

3. If YOU don’t give a shit about football, now you have an excuse to be doing “important wedding stuff” every Saturday when he’s crushing Bud Lights and yelling at a television. WIN WIN.

4. It’s better than the holidays (the most popular engagement season). You have at least another month of being summertime fine while you flaunt your new engagement all over social media. Because let’s be honest–what girl wants her most-liked picture of all time to be while she’s pale, packing on winter weight, and wearing leggings and Uggs that are literally stapled to her body from November-February (or is that just me)?

5. Hey you’re engaged and your poor friend Tiffany is still crying into her white zin about how she can’t even get a Tinder match. So GET EXCITED.

But WAIT……before all you guys rush out to Jared tomorrow, remember this could backfire worse than that time Taylor Swift tweeted at Nicki Minaj. If your lady is the type who’s going to start planning immediately, make you accompany her to every little thing, and sit you down on the couch nightly to view the updates on her Pinterest wedding board, you’re going to be royally fucked. Wait until January (or reconsider because she sounds terrible). And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten there are lots of girls who are into football, but whatever–a true bad bitch can get up on a Saturday, crush a spin class, pick out wedding invitations, make a taco dip, and be on the couch with a cold one before a 3pm game (marry that girl immediately).

Only 17 days ’til kickoff, y’all!


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Guys + Dating, Pop Culture + Social Media


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